(Note: This post is meant to be humorous and informative. If you're guilty of saying any of these, please be assured that I don't remember you specifically asking these questions and I'm not thinking of any one person while writing these.)
In our 21 months of being in the adoption process, many things have been said to me about our choice and calling to adopt. Most have been encouraging. Below are a few things that have been asked/said more than once:
1. "You're adopting? That's so great! I/My friend adopted a dog last year"
Don't get me wrong, I love dogs (a lot). I think they're super and they need to be loved. But please, please, for the love of all that is good in the world, don't compare anyone's adopting a animal to a child. It will not win you any points with your friend toiling through the adoption process. And it'll make them feel sad. Just don't.
2. "You're adopting? Can't you have children of your own?"
Ugh. First of all, this is none of your business. Second, if this were the case and reason for adopting, is this really something you want to bring up? It could be really painful for someone to talk about. Get excited for your friend. It doesn't matter why they're adopting, they need your support.
3. "What medical problems does your kid have?"
This is not your business. Do not ask this question. Just no.
4. "Is your kid going to be black?"
Does it matter to you what color my kid is going to be? They could be purple and I will still love them. I hope my friends feel the same way. All of your friends who are adopting or who have adopted feel this way.
5. "You're adopting? My friends adopted a few years ago and the kid had so many problems...(insert adoption terror story here)."
I've heard this response the most. The adoption process and adoption itself is hard for so many reasons. Hearing horror stories does not help anything. If I'm honest, I've already thought through horrible scenarios we could face. Trust me, your friend walking through adoption or the adoption process does not need horror stories. They need to hear encouragement.
All in all, if you are considering adopting, you are going to face many stupid comments. (You have been warned!) If you're not adopting, aim to be the friend saying encouraging things.
I posted the video below way back when, but this guy does a great job making you laugh while learning things. Thank you for listening to the ramblings of a crazy lady. Please go back to whatever it was you were doing before reading this post and have a great day.