Links for All Posts for Our Second South Africa Adoption Trip

Just like the first go-round (though not daily this time), here are all of the days, linked up for your convenience. Thanks again for reading this portion of our story!

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Post 1: 3/14/22
This is not a drill!

Post 2: 3/31/22
We’re here and tired, but oh so excited!

Post 3: 4/1/22
Another day, another pothole

Post 4: 4/2/22
Tomorrow changes everything. Again.

Post 5: 4/3/22
Meeting our daughter and sister

Post 6: 4/4/22
Krispy Kreme and some snails…YUM!

Post 7: 4/5/22
Tic-Tac-Toe and Hugs All Around

Post 8: 4/6/22
We’ve Gone to the Birds!

Post 9: 4/7/22
Introducing Phindile (Phindi) Ann Malcolm

Post 10: 4/10/22
The Past Few Days

Post 11: 4/16/22
Some Lions and a Giraffe Named Zöe

Post 12: 4/20/22
Load Shedding is My Nemesis.

Post 13: 4/27/22
A Week in the Life of the Malcolms in Somerset West

Post 14: 5/10/22
Mother’s Day

Post 15: 5/23/22
Nana’s Visit

Post 16: 6/12/22
What We’ve Been Up To

Post 17: 6/18/22
When Worlds Collide in South Africa

Post 18: 6/29/22
The Final Step Before Home

Post 19: Coming soon!

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You can find a similar post with links to all of our posts from our 2016 trip to South Africa here.

The Past Few Days

Bubble gum ice cream is very blue.

The three days after our court date have been fairly low-key. We have visited the mall a few times (of course), Brian has worked at a coffee shop, and we attended church.

Phindi behind eight stacked pizza boxes.

Tisetso was very interested in having some time at the Haven (where he grew up) playing and helping with the children, so we brought him there to do just that on Saturday morning. Brian, Phindi, and I went to a mall and let Phindi go clothes shopping. The plan was to go the the pizza restaurant and order pizzas (eight!) for all the kids for lunch, but we apparently found the ONE mall without a pizza place in all of South Africa. After driving around, we found a place and were able to order the pizzas. Success!

Phindi with her new iPad!

As an extra special bonus, one of the girls who lived at the Haven when Tisetso did—who has also since been adopted—was visiting the Haven at the same time! Tisetso and her were able to help out on the same day!

Today at church.

We got to go to a church today. Last week didn’t work out because the church we were planning on attending had signups and we were late to the game. We went to Pretoria for church and it was neat because the area the church was in was the same area our very first hotel was at when we came to South Africa in 2016.

Phindi holding my hand.

Phindi is doing really well transitioning to family life. Now, don’t get me wrong, we are definitely in the honeymoon stage of things. At some point, the balloon is going to pop and things are going to get real, but for now, she’s doing well. She hugs us and gives us high fives, has told us she loves us, and is all around a sweet, silly, joyful girl. We love her to bits!

Our over-the-counter medications get put in a hamster cage to bring to the till.

We continue to navigate cultural and language differences. While English is the main language, there are still different words for things. While at the pharmacy, we needed some decongestant, and had to get it from behind the counter (not uncommon), but they put it in a cage, which I had to take up front to purchase. How fun!

Technology twins!

When we’re home and the kids have screen time, it’s cute how they interact. Phindi is still getting used to her iPad and Tisetso has been helping her out. Also, Phindi loves the Frozen soundtrack and she loves singing loudly to it with headphones on. It’s both precious and hilarious.

Lego store visit cannot be complete without Lego taxis.

Brian commented that the licensing on this must have been expensive. Ha!

Grape chipmunk cheeks!

Links for All of the Days We Were in South Africa

If for some crazy reason you find yourself wanting to read all of the days in order (bless you), here are all of the days, linked up for your convenience. Thanks for reading our story!

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Day 1: Pretoria

Day 2: Pretoria

Day 3: Pretoria

Day 4: Pretoria

Day 5: Pretoria

Day 6: Pretoria

Day 7: Pretoria

Day 8: Pretoria

Day 9: Centurion

Day 10: Centurion

Day 11: Centurion

Day 12: Centurion

Day 13: Centurion

Day 14: Centurion

Day 15: Centurion

Day 16: Centurion and Atteridgeville

Day 17: Centurion

Day 18: Centurion and Strand

Day 19: Strand

Day 20: Strand

Day 21: Strand

Day 22: Strand and Cape Town

Day 23: Strand and Simon's Town

Day 24: Strand

Day 25: Strand

Day 26: Strand

Day 27: Strand

Day 28: Strand and Cape Town

Day 29: Strand and Khayelitsha

Day 30: Strand

Day 31: Strand and Cape Town

Day 32: Strand and Cape Town

Day 33: Strand and Cape Town

Day 34: Strand and Simon's Town

Day 35: Strand and Cape Town

Day 36: Strand and Cape Town

Day 37: Strand

Day 38: Strand and Khayelitsha

Day 39: Strand and Stellenbosch

Day 40: Strand, Cape Town, and Somerset West

Day 41: Strand, Cape Town, Johannesburg, and Sandton

Day 42: Sandton

Day 43: Sandton, Pretoria, and Centurion

Day 44: Sandton

Day 45: Sandton

Day 46: Sandton

Day 47: Sandton and Johannesburg

Day 48: Sandton, Pretoria, and Johannesburg

Day 49: London, Chicago, and Home

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You can find a summary of our Time in South Africa here, and a post about our pre-South Africa adventure in London here.

Summary of Our Time in South Africa

It was the biggest, most impactful trip I've ever taken in my life. I have been collecting random thoughts, observations, and photos from our time in South Africa, some while we were there and others after we got home. Some are meaningful and some are superficial.

I loved the road signs in South Africa.

Speed cameras were everywhere! Note: It's not 120 mph, but kph. Sadly.

Drivers were more considerate in South Africa than America. The drivers are less selfish and more willing to drive with kindness. On the highway, if you're not going the speed limit, you would drive in the left lane (slow lane). Merging on the highway was not an issue because people would let someone in without anger, unlike what you find here.

More in Gauteng than Cape Town, we found Bidvest was EVERYWHERE! They did car rentals, banking, staffing, apparently baking (see photo), and even toilet paper supplies. Brian and I decided if Bidvest ever went under, the whole country would stop working properly.

Malls are on every corner! For every mall that closes its doors here in America, one is reborn in South Africa. They are huge, confusing, and packed with people. In fact, the Mall of Africa (a mall we drove by on numerous occasions while there) recently opened.

These sounded so gross, I almost lost it.

I died laughing in the check out line when I saw this. I showed Brian and he suggested throwing it in the pool. From that point on, I was tearing up from trying not to laugh out loud in the line. If you're wondering, I bought it and it was tasty.

Shoes aren't as big of a necessity in South Africa. In America, we have signs warding off people without shoes from shopping in stores. In South Africa, it's not uncommon to see people without shoes (mostly children).

I really liked the license plates. I only got photos of these two, but there were many kinds.

Driving on the left takes about three weeks to get used to. Even then, you’ll still have terrifying moments when you think you’re about to die in a fiery car crash.

I was trying to take a photo of this terrifying road sign, but also managed to capture a speeding taxi in our rearview mirror.

Taxis (12-passenger vans) are devil machines that do not adhere to the laws. They’re so pervasive that not even police mess with them. I decided that if we lived in South Africa, I would purchase one of those vehicles so I wouldn’t have to follow the rules of the road.

Almost every house has a gate around it with either an electric fence (pictured) or barbed wire. Security is definitely an issue for home owners.

There are people everywhere. Living in America, where you can look out your front window and not see anyone walk by for a good bit, is so contrary to South Africa. People are walking everywhere, even on the side of the highway.

Diet Coke (the best beverage on the face of the planet) is called Coke Light, in case you're wondering. It was hard to remember at first, then hard to switch back when we came home.

Common things to see in homes are the electric meter (you pay in advance for electricity and purchase more at local stores) and water heater information. Water heaters are typically on the roof to utilize the sun's helpful rays.

Sizing of food was a bit different (smaller) in South Africa. The tic tac box on the left is from America and the one on the right is from South Africa. 

ATMs are everywhere! There were whole sections of every mall with walls and walls of ATMs. We used mostly cash while we were there, but it seemed to be a common thing for many of the people, too. 

There were way too many people in this truck. Eek!

I definitely take the internet here for granted. It took so long to upload photos and, at times, was impossible. I missed listening to music because I hadn’t thought ahead and downloaded some before traveling. Most of the time you have to purchase internet as you go, which got to be a little frustrating. I spent two months of my life without Netflix and survived. Barely. I should get a badge of bravery or something.

It was clear, through our conversations with South Africans and through observation, that there aren’t enough jobs for people in the country. It was heartbreaking to see mothers, with their children strapped on their backs, begging for money and food on street corners each day. It is something we are not faced with seeing every day. In South Africa, it is part of life.

People would be walking these huge carts on the side of the road/highway. It broke my heart because I am guessing with the amount of work put into filling and transporting the carts, it wasn't a lot of payback.

South Africa is such a huge country! We stayed in two provinces while we were there. Even within the two provinces, it was clear that there were many cultures (some of which were combinations of others) and languages represented in the country. 

A walkway bridge made out of scaffolding. Eeek!!!

It is such a beautiful and interesting place to visit. I would highly recommend adding it to your lists of countries to visit! We loved our time there experiencing the culture and scenery. There is truly no place on earth like South Africa. We are thankful for the time we spent there as it was an amazing time, where our only job was to be a family. Because of the experiences we had and friendships we made, we feel like a little piece of our heart was left there.

If I had to sum up our trip, here’s how it would go:

8 weeks,
8 hotels/apartments,
6 cities,
6 flights,
6 suitcases,
5 cars,
3 traffic stops,
2 stamps in our passports,
all to meet 1 amazing son…
…and we’d do it again in a heartbeat for him!

South Africa: Day 48, Sandton, Pretoria, and Johannesburg

Monday, February 22

We all woke up with a sense of heaviness and excitement. Well, to be fair, I woke up with Tisetso pinching my nose, so I technically woke up unable to breathe. But other than that, heaviness and excitement. Our flight wasn’t to leave until 9:20 p.m., so we had one final, full day in South Africa. Today was going to be the hardest day yet—saying goodbye to Mommy Tahiyya. 

After my abrupt and suffocating awakening, I set to finishing packing. I wanted to be done early in the day so we didn’t have to worry about it closer to the time of our departure. Tisetso watched Ben 10 while I finished his suitcase. With a quick breakfast, we were off to say goodbye. Brian needed coffee, so we stopped at a place called Vintage Coffee. 

With coffee in hand, we headed to the care home one last time. Pulling up felt final. We parked, rang the bell, and waited to be let in one last time. Tisetso was excited to be back. We sat in the living room with Mommy Tahiyya as she gave Tisetso a gift she had made. She also gave us a book she had put together of all of the baby pictures she could find of Tisetso, along with memories she wanted him to remember. We felt like we had been given a gift of gold as it was a treasure we hadn’t known to even hope for. We talked for a little bit. Mommy Tahiyya commented about Tisetso’s accent (which apparently sounded more like ours already) and how long his hair had gotten. After a bit, we all needed to get going with our days, so we said our goodbyes.

Tisetso and Mommy Tahiyya

I cannot express to you how hard it was to say goodbye to this amazing woman. She had fought hard for Tisetso for seven years and loved him as a son for seven years. She was there for his first steps, she wiped his tears when he was sad, she cheered him on when he had a race. What do you say to a woman like her? She had loved Tisetso longer and fought harder for him than I had! "Thank you" didn’t seem enough. I lost it saying goodbye to her. I wanted to bring her with! Getting in the car and driving away was hard. 

Tisetso's primary school

We had one more goodbye for the day. We had set up a time to say goodbye to Tisetso’s grade R (kindergarten) teacher. Before we went to the school, we grabbed lunch in Laudium one last time. After lunch, we had enough time to take Brian back to Vintage Coffee to work while Tisetso and I said goodbye to Teacher Emmy. When we got to the school, the kids were just getting let out. There were lots of kids and parents everywhere!

We found Teacher Emmy’s classroom and walked in. Tisetso ran to the dress up corner (his favorite when he was in Kindergarten). Teacher Emmy gave me two discs with all of the pictures she had taken of her class the previous year. I couldn’t believe the blessing I was holding in my hands! More pictures of my son before he became a Malcolm! I thanked her profusely and had Tisetso come over to say goodbye. During her goodbye, she presented him with a couple of farewell cards from his friends and a wallet. Apparently, one of his friends bought him a wallet to match his and wrote a note on the back. It was so sweet.

His wallet from his friend.

Tisetso and Teacher Emmy

The goodbye was short as we could tell Tisetso was feeling overwhelmed with the events of the day. At the car, I hugged Teacher Emmy, who had fought fiercely for my son’s trust and taught him the importance of learning. It was almost too much for me. Two hard goodbyes in one day. I was ready for a nap!

We picked Brian up from the coffee shop, driving past familiar homes and fields for the last time, and made our way back to the flat. We had little to pack up as the packing had been happening over the past two days. We went through our food and picked out what needed to be thrown out, what we could leave for the gal who cleaned our flat, and what we were taking with us (mostly candy for the 29 hours of travel ahead of us).

A delicious beverage with a cool can. I really wanted a photo, but apparently kids ruin everything. 

Got it!

We headed down to the car with our luggage, which was no small feat! We had four large suitcases, one carry on suitcase, four backpacks, and one purse (packed full). Along with that, we had a ton of legal documents that we had to keep a close eye on. And a kid. We had to keep a close eye on him too. We stuffed the luggage and the kid and ourselves in the car and headed off to America. The only things between us were a massive traffic jam, thousands of miles, and airport security (basically the equivalent to adding a thousand miles to our trip). The traffic jam was insane, including cars making the shoulder a seventh lane and people walking and biking on the highway. To complete the picture, people were also selling things between the lanes as we weren't moving.

Holy traffic jam, Batman!

When we got to the airport, we turned in our car (thankfully with no hassles) and headed to the terminal. We navigated our way towards the international flights section of the airport and found our way hampered by a cricket team. You read that correctly: A cricket team. Apparently the Waitrose cricket team had finished spending the winter months in South Africa and were heading home—back to England. We were behind the team chiropractor / masseuse, so I struck up a conversation with him. He said they had been in South Africa for three months and were going back for the spring / summer season in England. They had the luggage to prove it! Each person had at least four to five massive team bags (assumedly also containing their gear). The people checking everything in looked stressed. Apparently their presence had created a huge disruption in the checking in process, which was causing some people to be close to missing their flights. Thankfully, we were there two hours ahead of time, so we weren’t panicked. 

Another traffic jam...

After taking forever to get to the front, we were frustrated to find one of our suitcases was about 2 pounds overweight, leaving us with a $100 penalty. Interestingly enough, they had to run our American card, charge Rand, and convert to Pounds (we were flying British Airways). After all of that we went through security. Once again, I’d like to commend the South African airport security for not being annoying and even treating people like human beings rather than cattle. We passed through and headed to our gate. In true travel fashion, our gate was the farthest one away. 

After rushing past all of the restaurants, I was praying we’d find something close to our gate for dinner. As it happened, there was a sandwich bar right next to our gate! We each grabbed sandwiches and a sausage roll and a drink (I couldn’t eat mine because of nerves). Our plane was at the gate, but 9:20 came and went. They made an announcement that the plane was too hot and would have to be cooled down before we could board. Apparently, the function that cools the plane while it’s landed had broken, leaving the plane 79° inside. 

We were eating our sandwiches when a flight attendant came over to us and asked if we were flying to London. Assuring her we were, she told us we could board early “because of the boy.” This was an unforeseen perk to having a kid. Thanks, Tisetso! We cleared the first checkpoint and entered a waiting lobby. Here, a tourism lady snagged Brian for a super long and complicated survey (of course it wasn’t advertised as such up front). Thankfully for Brian and the lady, we didn’t board until close to 10:30, so they had a little bit to finish up.

When the plane was cooled to someone’s standards (it was still ridiculously warm), we were allowed to board. We crammed our stuff and bodies into the allotted space and waited for take off. 

I definitely felt a sense of loss as the plane lifted off the ground. I felt loss for Tisetso who was too young to understand what he was leaving behind. I felt a sense of loss for a culture and country I had grown to love. We knew we wouldn’t be back for several years, so it felt final. 

Once in the air, we were told the flight attendants would be walking through the cabin to decontaminate it. It was weird. They basically went through the cabin with Lysol cans, walking up and down the aisle spraying mist. Then flight attendants decided they wanted to serve dinner at 12:30 AM. I was ready to pretend to get some sleep (I don’t sleep on planes), or at least force my kid to sleep, but no. Dinner must be served. With the lights on. People (who chose to eat at that ungodly hour) finished up around 1:30 AM, so lights went out around 2:00 AM. (Insert major eye roll here.)

With that, our last full day (and it was a full day) in South Africa came to a close.

South Africa: Day 43, Sandton, Pretoria, and Centurion

Wednesday, February 17

Because Brian had been unable to get much work done yesterday, he needed to be able to get a lot accomplished today. To help with that, I planned to take Tisetso to the mall to give Brian some quiet time. I was also hoping it would be good for Tisetso and I to spend quality time together. The past week has been super hard with him and I. He has been acting out towards me and being unkind, so I wanted to have time with just us.

We saw an i8 while driving to the mall! 

We headed to the mall and got a killer spot, which was nice. I grabbed a trolley (shopping cart) from a nearby spot and put Tisetso in. He loves riding in ("driving") the trolleys, so it’s bonus points to get one without him asking. Our first stop was to get him a baked treat of his choice from the Doppio Zero bakery. He chose a gingerbread man cookie. He didn’t want to eat the cookie because he wanted to show daddy. I asked if it would work for me to just take a picture and send it to him. It worked and he got to work on the cookie.

Our mall stop included Woolworths to pick up sweeties for the kids at the care home and a stationery store to get letters printed up for the US visa and border control officers. While at the stationery store, we waited quite a while. The employees seemed to be frantically working on a huge project and our four sheet print job fell low on the priority list. Tisetso was feeling antsy and, truth be told, so was I. We had had a good morning up to this point and I certainly didn’t want this to be the thing to turn the tide. Thankfully, after 30 minutes of hang ups, they managed to figure everything out and we were able to leave with our documents in hand. 

After walking around the mall and grabbing an Americano for Brian, we headed home. After an easy lunch of sandwiches, Tisetso and I played Batman and Joker. With our kid significantly more tired than before, we sat down to do a quick session of school. Tisetso wasn’t really wanting to write, so I had him pick the words he would write. He decided on: Batman, Hulk Smash, Harry Potter, hero, and, for good measure, I added Tisetso to the list.

With school out of the way for the day, we got ready to head to the care home for Tisetso to say goodbye. We had sweeties in tow and Tisetso had his bow tie on. Pulling up to the Haven felt a little like a dream. We hadn’t been there in a while and so much had happened since our last visit. Tisetso was so excited he practically jumped out of the car before we had fully stopped. He ran up to the door and waited to be let in. 

Tisetso was so glad to see his friends. Most of his friends (the older kids) had recently come home from school and were in the process of doing homework and were glad for Tisetso to be their distraction. He sat at the table and at lunch with them and talked to them as they did their work. It was as if he had never been gone. My momma heart loved seeing him surrounded by his family. It was hard, too, because this was what he was leaving behind. These wonderful aunties and sweet children had made up his life for seven years. We would soon be leaving it. I was overwhelmed for Tisetso.

Brian and I, not wishing to be hanging over him as he hung out with his friends, excused ourselves and went to the living room. We talked with some of the aunties and gave them updates about the past month. They all commented on how he had grown and how his accent was beginning to mirror ours. We would occasionally check on Tisetso to see how he was doing. At one point, he was off playing with one of the older girls who had been there for a long time, like he had. It was such a sweet moment, Brian and I both snuck pictures.

After a while, we wondered where Tisetso was. We hadn’t seen him in a while, so I went looking for him. I checked outside, in the TV room downstairs, and in the classroom. Still not finding him, I went upstairs. Tisetso was sitting alone in the TV room watching a show by himself. My heart broke for him in that moment. He was clearly overwhelmed at saying goodbye. He needed to retreat and that’s where I found him.

This is the hard, painful side of adoption. No matter the situation where your child comes from, they are leaving something behind. We are massively blessed that Tisetso came from such a wonderful, loving home, but in that moment, I could tell Tisetso was done saying goodbye to his brothers and sisters. I sat with him a few minutes and then let him know it was time to go, but we needed to take a picture with his brothers and sisters first. He was not excited about the prospect, but I knew he will appreciate the picture later.

Wrangling the kids and Tisetso proved to be fun. Auntie Yolanda was up for the challenge. After getting them all on a couch, chaos ensued. We never actually got a picture with all of the kids looking at the camera, but that perfectly summed up life there. I love the pictures we got. I can’t post it because it shows the faces of children who are not mine, but rest assured, these kids would steal your heart with their smiles.

Love <3

During the photo, it began to storm in a major way. As we walked out of the Haven, there we got drenched. To add to the rain water coming from the sky, Tisetso decided to walk under a downspout, which was fun for him… I had been texting with Auntie Alma because she was unable to make it to the Haven for our goodbyes. We asked Tisetso if he felt up to one more goodbye. Tisetso was good to go, as he hadn't ever been to Auntie Alma's house.

We headed to Auntie Alma’s house to say goodbye to her. She and her three daughters have known Tisetso for the last five or six years. At their home, the girls occupied Tisetso (seeing pets in the back yard, playing drums and a guitar in the basement, etc.) while Alma shared stories and wisdom she had gleaned from knowing Tisetso for so long. It was great. There’s one story in particular that I look forward to reminding Tisetso of when he’s older. 

After enjoying their company for a little while, we made our exit to take Tisetso to his favorite restaurant—KFC. I hoped and prayed it would be the last time we went to that restaurant for a good long time! With our bellies filled with greasy fried chicken, we made our way back to the flat (through more of that wonderful traffic).

Our evening was as low key as we could make it. We got home with only a short while before Tisetso went to bed, which was good for all of us.

South Africa: Day 8, Pretoria

We started today off by talking with T’s favorite caregiver and social worker and discussing a list of questions we had generated. It's been invaluable to be able to ask them anything that pops up. From the care home, we headed to the National Zoo (which is also in Pretoria). Getting there was almost more of an adventure than the zoo itself. Brian had to navigate through this crazy part of town with TONS of people milling about and cars and vans doing whatever they wanted. It should have taken us 10 minutes to get through that area, but it took almost 30. There were these commuter busses that will shoot across the road without warning. Needless to say, our lives were in peril getting to the zoo.

Naturally, Roy was along for the ride.

Because school started today, we had no issues finding parking and getting into the zoo. On a recommendation, we hired a golf cart to ride around the part. For only $7.50, we were able to zip around the entire zoo and check out all of the animals in record time. Brian and I couldn’t get over how close the animals were. We could have pet a rhino or elephant, if we had wanted too (and apparently it's somewhat acceptable according to some locals). I really did want to, but I also have to now set a good example. Stupid adulthood/parenthood. There was a tiger who was pacing back and forth the whole time. It terrified me. I thought for sure that thing was about to leap over the pit and eat us all. 

T and an elephant.

It was fun to see different animals that don't find a place in American zoos. There were these really brightly colored red birds, a cool horse/antelope thing, and more. The lions decided not to show themselves, even after visiting their habitats three times! Along with that, my Scandinavian skin rebelled and I burned. I now have raccoon eyes and an awesome burn on my arms showing off where my 3/4 length sleeves were. 

We finished at the zoo and went to a mall to walk around. Brian was able to find a shop called Old Khaki (basically American Eagle) and bought some sturdier flip flops. While there T got an ice cream treat (really my snack choice, but became his about half way through). We headed back to the care home having walked a good bit.

Saying goodbye to T was a little easier today because we knew tomorrow would be our first sleepover.

T and the rhinos with downtown Pretoria in the background.

South Africa: Day 7, Pretoria

When we got up today, we were facing a logistical problem—we were running out of clean clothes. We needed to do laundry, but didn’t want to be away from T all morning. We decided that we would see if the place we picked out would wash, dry, and fold our laundry for a reasonable price. Before we went, we decided on an amount we were willing to spend (no more than $35). Armed with that information, we headed to the laundromat. When we arrived, we asked how much it would be to take care of the giant bag of clothes. The answer? 212 Rand, which comes out to about $12.63. That was an easy decision!

On our way to the home, we got a call and text from the social worker that works full time in the home. She said T had asked for us three times (by 9:20) and she wanted to know when we were coming. Thankfully, we were 3 minutes away. Praise God he was asking for us and wanting us to come visit him. He hasn’t turned us away, yet, but it’s good to know he at least wants us to show up.

Today was a really good day with T. It was us shifting from being with T the whole day alone at the home to seeing him interact a lot with his friends for most of the day. When we got there, there were several women waiting to interview for open positions at the home, so the room we typically spend all of our time in was being used as a waiting room. We were told to go out to the classroom and visit with T there and outside today. We were excited because his file mentioned how much he loves to play outside, but he has not played outside once with us there (perhaps as a way to really focus on spending time with us specifically.

We pushed the door open to the classroom (just one room that’s about the size of an average living room) and discovered a fun chaos. Kids were dressed up, playing pretend, coloring, and assembling puzzles. One of the caregivers put out some tables and they began preparing for school, which starts tomorrow. She asked T to write his name across his coloring page, he refused, she asked again, and he lost it and began to cry. I went over and rubbed his back and asked if he wanted to come sit by us (he was across the table from where we were sitting). He said yes and he moved. I don’t know exactly what caused that response, but we will be talking with his favorite caregiver tomorrow and asking about that, along with a giant list we have.

When T got done coloring and drawing on this picture, we saved it. He's such a creative kid.

After coloring was snack time. It is never so quiet at the home as when they are feeding the kids. They get their food and silence descends. Their main goal is to finish and get extra if there are any. These kids are well fed (thank you, God), so it’s not a survival of the fittest situation. They are just intent eaters.

This wasn't the snack today, but a fruit (??) called litchi T shared with us a couple of days ago. Neither of us had had it before, so T enjoyed being the one to show us how to eat it. Note: R49.99=about $2.50

With snacks and juice consumed, we headed back to the classroom for even more chaos and fun. We observed today that T enjoys playing with his friends, but he also enjoys playing by himself amidst these friends. He played one-man cricket for a little bit before Brian stepped in to pitch. For the life of me I cannot understand why he was instructed to stay inside while partaking of this activity, but it was apparently preferred. I was waiting the whole time for someone to get beat upside the head with T’s cricket bat. Thankfully, it never happened.

Lunch was a good time with fish and chips being served. It was the first time we had eaten with all of the other kids. It was silent until the local comedian (a boisterous kid with a super fun nickname and only one volume—"11") thanked the cook for cooking his lunch today. He’s clearly the best eater in the home and Auntie Florence (the amazing cook who knows the value of a good eater) lost it with laughter. All of the kids lost it, too. To hear all of them laughing together was so sweet.

After lunch, our normal room for playing in had been vacated. T and I played with Legos and safari animals while Brian sat at the table getting a little work done. It was nice for us to be back together with just the three of us. After a while, we packed up and headed to the mall. 

We let T guide us around the mall as he desired. We ended up in many stores and admired many watches and neck ties (watches are a reoccurring theme to our mall walks, but the neck ties were a new one). At one store, he really liked a dapper straw summer hat. I had wanted to buy him one before, but I didn’t know if he would wear it. We promptly found a kids store and let him try on the four kinds of hats they had. Watching him try on hats was heart-meltingly adorable. He would put the hat on, turn his head, and consider each hat before he made his decision. I cannot wait to post a picture when the time comes. He is such a handsome little dude!

Brian, T, his purchase (hat), and Roy. Also a commemorative coin given to him by a shopkeeper.

After strolling around and getting lost (because every mall here is huge and just keeps going in weird directions), we headed to dinner (also at the mall). We let T choose where to eat and he chose a fairly posh restaurant with an interesting menu. Thankfully they had cheeseburgers (the only thing this kid eats when given a choice, apparently), so we settled into our cool chairs. T loves watching people walk by. He gets very quiet because he’s taking it all in. After eating, he opened up and started joking around with us and talking about our plans for tomorrow (visiting the zoo if the weather holds up). 

How Roy spent his dinner with us.

We are thankful for today and hopeful that tomorrow is even better. It will be our first big outing together as we will arrive at the care home early and take him out shortly after that to the zoo.

South Africa: Day 6, Pretoria

Today was hard. Today was us hitting the wall. Today was filled with ups and downs. There were a lot of factors that were different than the last five days we had visited (today was the day that most of South Africa goes back to work after Summer holiday, today was back to school, being Monday, the additional staff that works M-F were in the office, and there were a ton of visiting college students at the care home this morning, making everything loud and busy). T barely talked the whole morning. It is hard to press on when you feel like you're being ignored. 

When we went to lunch, he really opened up! He was laughing and smiling while we were playing in a children's play place. At one point, he even cracked a joke. I have joked with him at other meals asking him, “Where did your burger/chips (fries)/fill in the blank go?” because he seriously inhales his food. Today, he looks at me with a serious face and asks, “Where did my burger go?” It took me a second. When I looked for his burger (duh) and then back at his face, he had a huge grin. That kid. He’s going to fit in just fine.

My "mega" Coke Light (Diet Coke) and T's cream soda . 

The second we said we had to go back to the home, he clammed up and gave us the cold shoulder. He also tested us a lot. Anything we said "no" or "not today" to was received with asking many times more or the silent treatment. He usually answers with a nod or shake of his head if he doesn't want to use words, but he wouldn't even do that in the car on the way back from the mall. 

When we were back at the home, I asked him if he was mad at us for something. He shook his head "no." I told him it was ok if he was, and that we could talk about it if he wanted to. He nodded in understanding, then went back to playing. It lightened up after that and we ended on a good note (we got a hug when we left), but today was hard. It's hard playing with him when we're being ignored, but we kept pushing through and asking him questions, even if he would only respond with nods.

Our difficult day was topped off with a missed turn on our way back to the hotel after dinner. We discovered on the ensuing journey that our headlights point down and we can only see about 10 feet ahead of the car, that "dead robots" are even more dangerous when you’re going down roads with faster speed limits, and that Apple Maps and TomTom were both out to get us. Both apps sent us to the exact same wrong location. It’s terrifying driving around downtown Pretoria and being lost. Thankfully, we saw a landmark that was familiar and were able to get back to the hotel. We arrived shaken, but safe, something we do not take for granted. One of T’s caregivers was in a smash-and-grab Friday night (while stopped at a light, two men smashed in her window and started grabbing her phone and whatever else they could—scratching her arms badly in the process). You have to be on high alert while driving here, especially at night.

Some good things from today: T sat in my lap while I read him the same book twice in a row (his request). He called me "mommy" today (not just "Mommy Heidi" as he's been calling me). There were good moments mixed in with the hard and I’m glad for that. I didn't expect less than good and bad days. We are strangers getting ready to be a family.

Daddy and T and Roy, playing a game of soccer together.

On the whole, I think things are going well. I know he is going to fit perfectly into our family. I am excited for when he is more comfortable with us and for when we don't have to leave him at the home at the end of the day.

Look at those muscles. This kid could beat you up.

Some ways you can pray for our family: 

• Please keep T in your prayers. He has a lot going on in his head. You can tell he’s always thinking, always absorbing what’s happening around him. There is a lot going on and he’s seven. Pray for his heart and mind to be guarded from things that are said and done that might not necessarily be helpful to this attachment process.
• Pray for Brian as he is still working while here. It’s a lot to juggle—family, church, work, and more. We are thankful he’s able to still work while here, as that’s something some families spending 6-7 weeks in South Africa are unable to do.
• Pray for me. Being gone from home this long is hard and we still have 5-6 weeks to go! I miss my bed and our shower that drains properly. I miss driving around and not feeling I have to be on high alert while waiting at a stop light. I do not miss the winter, so praise there. Well, technically I'm missing winter, but I digress.

South Africa: Day 5, Pretoria

Today saw an early start. We got up at 6:00 a.m. (10:00 p.m. Saturday for most of our readers) to get ready and go to the 8:00 a.m. service at Bryanston Bible Church, an Acts 29 church in Sandton (around 35 minutes from our current hotel location). It was good to be a part of their church, but I definitely miss Redeemer Fellowship. This was our second Sunday away from our church family. After church, we headed out for a quick breakfast. During our trip to the mall (EVERYTHING is in a mall here), we found gluten-free cupcakes. We had wanted to get T’s favorite caregiver a gluten-free treat for the birthday party earlier in the week, but that is like searching for a needle in a haystack here. So when we found one, we were very excited, as was she!

After breakfast, we headed to visit T. Our GPS took us a crazy new route (it’s seeming rare for us to take the same route more than once). This one took us through the hills (that are basically mountains) and past a huge Sunday market (tons of people milling about and walking alongside the road). It was a beautiful, terrifying, and long way to T’s home.

We surprised T by getting there before lunch. We thought that we’d show up after lunch due to church (which we told him and prompted his request for us to be there in the morning), but thankfully the church had an early service (hence getting up at 6:00 a.m.). We pulled out our Legos and started playing. T is a really imaginative and creative child. He comes up with these stories that he will tell us as he’s playing and working out the different scenarios. After Legos, we watched a couple of shows with the other older children, played Snakes & Ladders, and read a book. 

I brought a blank hardcover book and some new stickers for him, so he began creating an underwater scene with the fish and dinosaur stickers he had. It was hilarious. Not only were the dinos eating the fish, they were eating each other, and some random girl who was under the water. In true boy fashion, poop was drawn, along with smell lines. *sigh* This kid. 

Photo of T's art, Roy, and Brian courtesy of T.

At the mall this morning, we bought some Play-doh, so that was a good time, too. He insisted on squishing every Play-doh form that was made, so I started punching and chopping mine with my hands. I got a good sized smile out of him along with several giggles. These moments feel so light. 

Attachment is hard work. It’s not just coloring and playing, it’s hoping your new child wants to hold your hand or will make eye contact. It’s building Legos and looking for a reason to rub their back and being enthusiastic to praise their creations. Staying in the same room (as we’ve been doing at the care home [aside from watching shows]) makes for long days of sitting on the floor because you want to be as close to him as possible. 

Today was the first day T allowed a couple of his brothers (other boys in the home) to play with us and with his new toys. It was only 15 minutes, but it was good. Brian and I want to let T know we like his friends without showing preference to them. 

At the end of our day, we had planned (since yesterday) to take him to KFC (his second favorite food). Five minutes before leaving, he changed his mind and wanted pizza. So we plugged in the info for a pizza place he likes. It ended up being an adventure. We got to the place and didn’t feel it was in a safe location (a feeling you need to respect here), so we found the next nearest Roman’s (pizza place). It was 25 minutes away. About 10 minutes into the drive, I remembered we needed to be back at the home by 6:30. That was only 45 minutes from that time. Cue the panic! We drove and were doing the math thinking we may be eating pizza in the car on the way back to the care home. 

At a stop light (robot), we saw a McDonald’s (McD’s). I asked T if he liked McD’s (because I don’t know). He said he did. As soon as we passed the intersection containing the McD’s, T decided he wanted to eat there and not Roman’s. After a U-turn and 5 minute drive back, we ended up at McD’s. After a rushed meal and drive back, we left T at the home with his aunties (caregivers). 

McDonald's date with T.

I am hoping we get to start doing sleepovers soon. I think it would benefit both T and ourselves to spend the entire day with him and not have to leave him at the end of it.

South Africa: Day 2, Pretoria

Today was a day we will always remember in our family—we met T for the first time! There are very few moments in your life that compare to meeting for the first time a child who will be a part of your family forever. After the initial awkwardness wore off (let’s face it—it’s awkward), we really enjoyed our time together. It felt surreal to be putting a puzzle together, coloring in the coloring books, and building Hot Wheels garages with him. He’s not just a file we’ve read or photos we’ve looked at, he’s a stinking cute, shy, thoughtful and contemplative kid with a sweet smile and a love for his new lion, "Roy."

Building garages for his cars.

While we were breaking the ice, we talked about his birthday party we’re going to celebrate tomorrow (we missed his actual birthday by a few days). He announced it was Roy’s birthday tomorrow and he needed a party for him, too. We decided we could celebrate Roy’s birthday with his birthday. He (and Roy?) wanted green cupcakes, balloons, potato chips, lollipops, party bags, juice boxes, and chocolate (later vetoed by his caregiver because it would melt in the 100°+ heat—wise woman). Along with party planning, he showed us his room and bed, introduced us to his brothers and sisters (other kids in the orphanage), and kept brushing down Roy’s unruly mane (which was the cutest thing ever).

Roy shortly after getting a mohawk, courtesy of T.

While spending time with T, and as he opened up more, we felt such a peace about this boy joining our family. His personality fits well with ours. He’s analytical and likes creating things, but still feels things deeply. That’s basically an amalgamation of Brian and I’s personality to a T (I can’t help myself when it comes to puns…even bad ones…please forgive me). We know everyone is on their best behavior right now, but from what we’ve been told of him and his personality, we know the Lord has gone before us, even in this.

After spending 4.5 hours with T, we left to get a quick nap in before we headed to the mall. We had a big list of things to buy for this celebration. Unfortunately for us, we had 1.5 hours to get everything by the time we got to the mall. Another unfortunate thing? The mall had lost power at some point during the day, and about 90% of the stores were closed. The other 10% must have paid extra for generators. We got the candy, cupcakes, juice boxes, and potato chips. The other things on our list—party bags, balloons, a gift for T, and candles for his (and Roy’s) cupcake—we are hoping to find tomorrow before meeting with him again. (We found another mall in the area to try tomorrow morning before meeting up with T.) The hour and a half goes by really quickly when you don’t have a Target where you can buy everything you need. We were going into shops (the ones that were open) hoping to find something off of our list. Time flew and the shops closed.

It was fun venturing out into Pretoria. The mall is different than American shopping centers in that there are grocery stores in the mall and within department stores. It’s also crazy how cheap things are. After we had exhausted everything that mall had to offer, we decided to grab dinner. We had a nice, sit-down meal while seated by the misting machines on the patio (it got up to 102 today!). The total for this delicious meal, including tip? $13! Score one for South Africa and one for our bank account.

I didn't get many photos while we were out and about due to helping Brian navigate, but this is one of THE biggest buildings I've ever seen. This photo does not do it justice. It's basically a skyscraper on its side.

By the time we were done with our frantic shopping and dinner, it had gotten pretty dark (a storm was rolling in, making it even darker). We had been warned not to stay out when it was dark for safety concerns. While we didn’t run into any issues with people on our ride back, we did run into an issue with technology. There are many traffic lights (called "robots" here) that are just out of service, making them four-way stops as in the US (though without the blinking red lights. It’s hard to know when its a four way stop because the robots are super hard to see, even when the lights are working. Those dead, small robots become a safety issue when you cannot see them coming in up the dark. Needless to say, our drive home was quite an adventure. We decided that we won’t make it a hard and fast rule, but we’re going to strive to be back to our hotel every night before dark to avoid the dangerous dead robots.

All in all, a pretty awesome day! We’re now back in our hotel room watching a SPORT (rugby). We’re growing in so many ways. We are excited to go visit T again. We’re excited to celebrate his 7th birthday.

South Africa: Day 1, Pretoria

Today we landed in T’s birth country of South Africa at 7:00 a.m. after a long (10.5 hours) and very bumpy flight from London. The flight was a little emotional because I hate long flights. Couple that with the turbulence we experienced and I was in tears at one point. Brian did not sleep at all and I slept maybe 30-60 minutes. But we made it safely! 

When we landed, I started crying because it hit me so hard we were here to meet T and become a family of three. Brian asked if I was ok and all I could reply was, “I’m so happy.” It’s been such a journey of processing the fact that after two years of paperwork and waiting, we are meeting the boy who will be stuck with us as parents forever.

We were greeted with a blinding sun (blinding after 8 mostly rainy days in London) and temperatures that reached 99 degrees. Good-bye, winter! After making it through the non-airconditioned waiting area for the border patrol, through customs, collected all three duffle bags, got our mobile phone SIM cards, and checked out our rental car, we were ready to head to our hotel, 30 minutes north in Pretoria.

Navigating this journey safely was difficult as we were so exhausted. Thankfully, drivers weren't nearly as crazy as they are in London. After making it in one piece and checking in to the hotel, we headed up to our suite (thank you, Hotwire). It is hard to describe the room, but I can tell for this area, it is a nice place. Being greeted by a super hot room (AC had been turned off) and a tub that doesn’t drain properly was a little bit of a reminder that we’re not in London anymore. Thankfully, they have a delicious restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet of South African staples.

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

After assessing our living quarters for the next week, we got a call from one of our social workers here (Rose). She said that T’s primary caregiver and social worker wanted to meet with us before we meet him tomorrow morning. We were thrilled to have them come to our hotel to meet, so we accepted. Then we slept. Hard. Then we woke up still tired.

At 4:00, we met with the caregiver and social worker. We talked with them for three hours. Most of it was about T (more info about his likes, dislikes, personality, history, etc). We also talked about South Africa and fun things to do in the area. I feel like the three hours we spent with them, readied my heart to meet T once and for all. Brian and I have both been so nervous about meeting him—what if he doesn’t like us? We don’t know him but for the limited things we have read on paper. Talking with these women who work day in and day out with T and clearly love him brought us such a peace. 

We’re now back in our room and getting ready for bed. All in all, a good day. Tomorrow, Lord-willing, will be better. We will meet our son!